To do something nice for my mom while I'm here, I decided to invite her on a mini-cruise around the islands located very close to Saint-Petersburg. I went on this trip once with my ex-boyfriend some 20 years ago, and back then it used to be 3 days, but now they added a couple more islands that have been discovered since and extended the trip to 6 days. I didn't know this and was very worried that I'm not going to handle the mother-daughter confinement for so long. My relationship with my mom is very respectful and loving, but she can easily drive me nuts in about 2 minutes. So when I learnt about the duration of our trip, I realized it would be a serious test for my daughterly tolerance and clearly an interesting educational lesson. And it was exactly that… And so much more!
Before I plunge into the story let me introduce the term very well known and – what's worse – deeply felt by all the Russians of my generation:
SOVDEP The derogatory term "Sovdep" or "Sovdepiya" was first used by opponents of Bolsheviks after the Great October Socialist Revolution in 1917. Literally, "sovdep" is a contraction of the Russian term, "Sovet Deputatov", "Council of Deputies", which was the government. Nowadays, the word sovdep has lost its original meaning – although kept its original derogatoriness – and is used now to describe anything in Russia (usually, service) that is subpar vis-à-vis "the civilized West".
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So… If I had to summarize our island hopping trip in a sentence, this is it: "Unfortunate co-existence: where the gorgeous purity of Russia meets the disgusting pollution of Sovdep". Let me get the badness part out of my system first, so that the goodness part comes out unblemished.
The badness: On the usefulness of eavesdropping and some rant
Out cruise ship was scheduled to leave at 8PM from the River Boat Station in Saint-Petersburg. We were supposed to come one hour early to check-in. Of course – an essential element of Sovdep – there is a huge line. Resignedly, we join in. We stand there without any movement for about 40 minutes, thus slowly approaching another essential of Sovdep – never start anything on time. To pass time, I automatically start to eavesdrop on a conversation held by a couple of people behind us in line. In their world, some guy recently impregnated his secretary while being "happily" married with children; his wife still doesn't know the horror, what to do, what to do. Thank God they are going to Novgorod on a business trip, this will give them a chance to be with him and brainstorm together as friends. They can do it right upon arriving there, tomorrow. Stop! Wait a second! They are planning to talk to the guy tomorrow in Novgorod? But the ship is headed to Valaam!!! I turn around and inject myself right into their heated discussion. Aha, apparently, the ships were SWITCHED: the one that was supposed to go to Novgorod is now headed to Valaam and vice versa. It doesn't surprise me that there is no sign of any sort nearby – that is another necessary attribute of Sovdep, "if you can't figure out what's up on your own, you deserve to be left out"; I'm just happy that I am fit – among other things - for this retro version of the Motherland, and my mom and I run to the correct ship. After successful check-in we ask a legitimate question – how come there's no sign indicating this important change of plans? Apparently, they "called everybody beforehand", and since we didn't know this information, this probably means that we just didn't answer our phones… Efficiency is yet another key feature of the Sovdepiya performance style.
The room is small but very clean. I'm pretty squeamish myself, but I'm fully satisfied by the room. High marks here. The bathroom though leaves much to be desired design-wise. I should have taken a picture, but in its absence imagine this: when you open the door, the toilet is to your left, the sink is to your right; in between there's a drain covered with a shower rug; the shower head is hanging over… the sink. Do the math.
Food was a complete Sovdep-style disaster. I remember when I was little, we used to sarcastically name our canteen - kindergarten or school - dishes (humor being the only tool against suffering from the disgusting food): "cosmic porridge – oatmeal or semolina on a flat plate served semi-cold, more on the cold side, cosmic because if you try to throw it out of the plate with the same gesture you would use to launch a flying saucer, it would fly out nicely preserving its original flat-dish shape and land on its destination surface without any unnecessary splashes"; "cackies – deep fried 'meat' pies, in which the origin and content of the 'meat' filling was always unknown; it was even unknown if it was in fact meat at all, it certainly didn't taste like any meat; these pies used to be sold from the street carts and were strictly forbidden by parents, so naturally every child longed for them, although they were utterly disgusting"; "blue mashed potatoes – the name speaks for itself, for some reason, the school canteen had this very sad looking coldish bluish mashed potatoes spread in a thin layer over the same flat plate as the above semolina, usually with the accompaniment of some sort of even sadder-looking ground-'meat' cutlet". It was a sad, sad, sad time for the public food sector in the Soviet Union. Suffice it to say that all the public canteens were called "vomitoriums" ("тошниловки"). That is why there was no culture of eating out in the Soviet Union: the real feasts with delicious Russian food spread were always held at home.
The food on our cruise ship was not as dramatically disgusting as in the Soviet Union, but I started having those flashbacks not for nothing… Once I actually sent my dinner back (without receiving anything in exchange, naturally, because this cruise service is SO FAR from its American counterpart). And another time I was made part of a pretty telling scene: we had to pick our menu for the next day at dinner time of the previous day, so between salmon and pork I chose pork. When the day of this dinner choice arrived, my mom was served her salmon, and then the waitress simply retired quickly without looking at me or saying a word. I thought, well, she must be coming back soon (or at least at some point). Not really. Five minutes passed, ten, fifteen… After twenty minutes of waiting I went to the kitchen and asked if they had forgotten about me. The waitress looked devastated and completely lost, "Well, you know, we had this terrible mistake… I don't know how to tell you… but… but… there is no more pork dishes left… would you like salmon instead?" No, I didn't want salmon instead, but more importantly, I wanted to know if she was ever going to share this interesting piece of information with me if I didn't show up in the kitchen with my silly demands… By the looks of it, not really, she was probably praying that I just didn't notice that I hadn't been served any dinner that night.
Oh, and one more thing on food before I move on (which I still haven't been able to do). The cruise is all-inclusive. Except alcohol – that's the usual. But for some reason juices are not included in the price either. Oh well, strange, but whatever. The first day we ordered some juices and paid for it. When I tried to order a juice for myself at breakfast, however, I was informed that "juices are not served in the morning; at all, even for payment". Why???
The ship is small but sturdy. It was pretty stormy one night, but we didn't really notice it. However, the NOISE of the ship is tremendous. As in "tremendously annoying". I wasn't able to sleep well at all. The non-stop loud crackling began exactly at bed time and stopped right at breakfast. One night, frustrated beyond belief, I investigated every inner and outer inch of our room, windows and the nearby deck. Nothing apparent. Yet the noise continued, repeatedly, incessantly.
That's all on the badness of the trip. Everything else was sheer beauty and purity of sight and soul. Of course, these annoying details stole some goodness from the whole experience, however, now I'm able to propose a good solution for the future pilgrims - if you want to travel to the holy Ladoga islands sans all the frustrations of ridiculous service and noisy accommodations, charter a private yacht.
The holy goodness
The grand impressions we received during these five days were truly unparalleled and no words can do them any justice. The northern nature, the architecture, the culture… The awe-inspiring church constructions quiet your brain, your soul, and your mouth. And in this complete silence you tiptoe around the islands, trying not to disturb the almost tangible holy presence.
The trip is routed through two lakes – Ladoga (the largest lake in Europe) and Onega (infamous for its stormy demeanor), – features "holy" islands that host various Russian orthodox churches and monasteries, and includes 5 stops:
- Alexander-Svirsky Monastery in Lodeynoye Pole, famous for hosting the sacred relics of its founder, monk and saint Alexander Svirsky. According to the legend, his remains have healing power, so pilgrims from all over Russia flow here to pray over his body begging for health and recovery. In the midst of this majestic interior, it is not difficult to believe in the sacred powers of the place. The guide also contributes to your newborn belief with her unbelievably touching story. Some years ago she survived a pretty horrible car crash. Survived – yes, but couldn't walk at all, started using a wheelchair. Her friend brought her to pray at the remains of Alexander Svirsky several times, and voila – she can walk now! But… what's even more unbelievable. She can walk normally (if I didn't hear the story, I would have never guessed she even had any problems) ONLY on the holy islands, where she spends half a year during maritime navigation, aka excursion season. Back in Saint-Petersburg, she uses crotches…
Note: As we all know, the church is very much PRO-marriage. This is why I find the story of Alexander Svirsky ironically hilarious. The reason he decided to become a monk was because he, at the age of 26, had overheard his parents talking about arranging his wedding. In response, he quietly packed a few things, left the house, and WALKED
160 KM (!!!) to the Valaam island in order to join the monastery over there, thus separating himself forever from the world of marriages and households. - Kizhi island, home of the famous architectural marvel – "puzzle" wooden churches built without any nails. Why no nails? That is a good question. Apparently, during that time – the 16th century – iron was very expensive, and people tried to avoid using it when possible. Plus, as I was informed, if you are a good carpenter, you try to be efficient in your workflow and introducing nails is an extra step that does not provide any value added.
- Petrozavodsk town, the capital of Karelia, the territory currently divided between Russia and Finland. I didn't expect much of this place. The name literally means "Peter's factory town", so I imagined something quite industrial-looking. I was so wrong. A beautiful little town with a picturesque lake embankment on one side and innumerable parks on the other. During the foliage season it is such a pleasure to just walk around, listening to the murmur of the golden leaves rustled under your feet. One peculiar fact: there used to be a big Russian drama theater here and a theater of Finland, but for some reason the City Hall decided that having two theaters is way too much for the 300,000 inhabitants, and closed down the Russian one; so if you want to see a play now, you have to go to the other theater where all the shows are performed in the Finnish language with synchronized translation. To my taste, a bit too complicated, and makes absolutely no sense. Of course, there are a lot of art-studios and independent theaters, but the big Russian stage loved by theater goers of Petrozavodsk, is no more…
- Mandrogi village, only several years ago declining like all the Russian villages until some businessman "re-discovered" it and realized that due to its central location on the main holy islands route it could easily be used as a picturesque pit-stop for tourists, thus reviving the village and milking it like a cow (the prices of souvenirs are sky-rocketing!). Now a promenade around this little island and a BBQ / Russian dance party is offered to all the cruisers in this area.
- Valaam archipelago, best known as the site of a still functioning 14th century monastery and its natural beauty. Absolutely unbearably indescribably surreal beauty…
P.S. The mother-daughter experiment
The very fact that I'm writing this post to the background accompaniment of my mom rattling some pots and pans in the kitchen signifies that we have both passed the confinement test. The experience was somewhat trying, with its blessings and frustrations, but in the end I came out confident that if there were a Mother-Daughter Survivor psychological reality show, our tandem would have had pretty decent chances to win the race.
