January 31, 2011: Year 2 – Day 1 – Annoyed

Should I continue writing this blog? I feel a bit silly about it. Since I'm planning to be in Cozumel for the next several months, with only a few Mexico road trip breaks planned, I am not technically traveling. But I'm so used to writing this, I'm not sure I can simply decide to stop and, well, stop. And who said that this blog is a travelog anyway? Maybe I should continue writing it until I'm back to NYC for good? Although where's the guarantee that I will ever again return to NYC for good? I plan to, I cannot imagine living anywhere else, I love the city, but we all know that life is full of surprises. And if I do continue writing it, should I stick to the same format or figure out something new? Write every day or every week or only when something really interesting happens? Argh! Why do I even have to ask myself these questions? Why do I have to question and rationalize everything instead of just following my instincts and doing what feels pleasant to do! This is beyond annoying.

Yes, I'm annoyed with myself today. There are many reasons for that:

Reason 1

For the past 24 hours, I have been trying to come up with that "self-evaluation" form that my brain conjured up yesterday deeming it appropriate for concluding this year of unemployment, but I can't focus at all. Thoughts scatter so easily that it is absolutely impossible to gather them into any sort of train. In fact, it is impossible to even remotely understand what it is that I actually am thinking about. I actually "saw" one simple question that I posed for myself suddenly take the shape of some cartoon character, puff up until bursting into a hundred mini versions of that same cartoon characters and start running in all possible directions. I swear I didn't take any drugs.

Reason 2

We had such amazing diving this morning – an unusual absolutely no-current Cantarel with at least 16 eagle rays and potentially a pilot whale (! although we are not sure what exactly this creature was), followed by a no-current San Juan with a giant common octopus feeding on a crab's carcass and a rare opportunity to take pictures without having to hold on to the bottom for your dear life. These dives have definitely made my Top N list. What's annoying about it, you ask me? Well, we wanted to also go on a shore night dive to hunt some lobsters, bringing the ranking of today's diving from "amazing" to "unmatchable", but sure enough – as always after the beautiful Cantarel – I developed a migraine. Honestly, what is it about that site that gives me headaches? Last year, the consensus was that it should be attributed to the strenuous swimming against the current at a pretty deep depth (hmmm, is it better to say "big depth"?). But today I can rule out this hypothesis – as I mentioned, there was absolutely no current. I also had a theory of my own – that nobody supported, of course – that I'm somehow tuning in to the eagle rays' waves and this makes my head hurt. Maybe they are trying to transmit some important message to the world through me? Again, I swear I didn't take any drugsJ.

Reason 3

We went to this new place called Kondessa last night to "celebrate" my unemployment anniversary. It is owned by the same person who opened Kinta, one of my favorite restaurants on the island. Knowing Kinta and loving it very much, we were 100% certain that we would tremendously enjoy our delicious dinner. What a disappointment! The décor is really beautiful – I have to give them that. But the food is overpriced without a reason (at Kinta they have interesting and delightful dishes, so the high prices seem to be well justified) and, frankly, not that delicious. It is good food, don't get me wrong, it's just that the price-deliciousness ratio is unbalanced big time. Yesterday, we just noted this, but for some reason it only really hit all of us today. At least, I'm not alone being annoyed with this particular item. That is slightly less annoying.

Reason 4

And last but not least, I'm very much annoyed with being annoyed. I rarely feel this way and I don't like it. This is not a good start of my second happy-unemployment year. But it looks like I will just have to let it dissolve on its own, as the "emotional deportation" of this feeling doesn't seem to be an option in this case. Oh well, this too shall certainly pass…