I have noticed lately that I always have some song or other playing in my mind. Sometimes several songs. Sometimes I can almost see them elbowing each other, fighting for my undivided attention. But I don’t want to pay attention to any of them! In fact, I’m greatly annoyed by this invasion. “You won’t admit you love me and so, how am I ever to know, you always tell me, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…” – “Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tam, MARIA policia!” – “You won’t admit you love…” – “Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!” – “You won’t admit…” – “Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tam!” I want to get rid of them, but they just won’t go away!
It’s very ironic that the very first day of my quest for presence should start this way. They say, that you cannot achieve presence if you constantly have “mental traffic” – thoughts, songs, images crowding your mind. To be able to be completely aware of the moment you are in you need to be free of all mental garbage. Is it possible though? I guess, this is where meditation comes in.
The purpose of meditation is to bring you to the state of “calm awareness” through freeing your mind from the perpetual thought-forms. And the way to do it is not by avoidance of these thoughts, but rather by careful scrutiny of each. Thoughts, in order to lose their hold on us, must be understood for what they really are – the result of emotional needs and desires on the many levels of our being. There exists a constructive healthy mode of thinking and an unhealthy destructive mode of thinking, and it is meditation's true purpose and responsibility to bring an individual to a clear understanding and definition of that difference of mind and thought patterns. And only then you can truly hear yourself. Apparently, all those thoughts and songs that you have on repeat in your head are not really you, it’s your brain (as if your brain is not you – argh, confusing), and you need to free up some space for your essence to speak up.
When diving I have absolutely no mental traffic issues. My mind is perfectly empty and still and my “essence” constantly gives me a sensation of pure happiness. Maybe it’s the pressure that pushes all those thoughts out? Or – and this is much more likely – because you are forced to always listen to and hear your breath. After all the easiest way to enter a meditative state is to focus on your breathing. And while diving you always here you own inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale – and when you enter this loop, you start meditation automatically. Should I just start breathing through a regulator above water as well? Maybe then those stupid songs will finally give up on me!
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